looking for the good things

I can't believe it's been almost a year since we left Colorado. It has, truthfully, been an awful year. I wish I could sugar-coat it, I wish I could look for the bright side, I wish I could say that the challenges of the last year have made me a stronger person. But they haven't. They have made me feel completely empty and hollowed out, bitter and resentful. My symptoms are physical, emotional, psychological. Fortunately I am now getting help and finding more productive ways to process the turmoil of the last year. I know that some of the damage can't be undone but I know that I need to re-discover myself as a strong, assertive, focused and most importantly, happy, person so that I can be a good wife and mother. I have no doubt that my immediate family will be kept intact even if everything around it crumbles down.

That said, there have been some good signs. Harper has been in camp at her future preschool for four weeks of this summer. Her teacher pulled me aside and told me all of the things that we already know about Harper- that she is a gifted, sweet, mature, thoughtful girl who excelled at all of the 'work' they did in camp. Most of the parents of the kids attending class are working parents. Since I'm a half-time working parent, I only half fall into that category, which is actually kind of a strange place to be in terms of connecting with other parents. Given that, I didn't really have much of an opportunity to meet the other kids and parents in the camp, because I only sent Harper for a half-day and her drop-off and pick-up times were different than the other kids. However, in the last week, I got two phone calls from other moms in the school, who got my number from the main office, telling me that their children keep talking about Harper and can we get them together sometime. Plus, she got an invitation in the mail to a birthday party. I know that in the grand scheme of things, these things are not a big deal. But I need to rejoice in the small victories right now, even if it's that my 3 year old is getting invited to birthday parties.