looking for the good things

I can't believe it's been almost a year since we left Colorado. It has, truthfully, been an awful year. I wish I could sugar-coat it, I wish I could look for the bright side, I wish I could say that the challenges of the last year have made me a stronger person. But they haven't. They have made me feel completely empty and hollowed out, bitter and resentful. My symptoms are physical, emotional, psychological. Fortunately I am now getting help and finding more productive ways to process the turmoil of the last year. I know that some of the damage can't be undone but I know that I need to re-discover myself as a strong, assertive, focused and most importantly, happy, person so that I can be a good wife and mother. I have no doubt that my immediate family will be kept intact even if everything around it crumbles down.

That said, there have been some good signs. Harper has been in camp at her future preschool for four weeks of this summer. Her teacher pulled me aside and told me all of the things that we already know about Harper- that she is a gifted, sweet, mature, thoughtful girl who excelled at all of the 'work' they did in camp. Most of the parents of the kids attending class are working parents. Since I'm a half-time working parent, I only half fall into that category, which is actually kind of a strange place to be in terms of connecting with other parents. Given that, I didn't really have much of an opportunity to meet the other kids and parents in the camp, because I only sent Harper for a half-day and her drop-off and pick-up times were different than the other kids. However, in the last week, I got two phone calls from other moms in the school, who got my number from the main office, telling me that their children keep talking about Harper and can we get them together sometime. Plus, she got an invitation in the mail to a birthday party. I know that in the grand scheme of things, these things are not a big deal. But I need to rejoice in the small victories right now, even if it's that my 3 year old is getting invited to birthday parties.

Here are those dance moves I mentioned.

Cousin Eli

Knocked out on the plane back from Connecticut

More of Reid at 18 months

 More curls!! It has not been a humid summer here (fortunately), but whenever it is, her curls come out.

Chocolate face after our evening walk, which usually involves a popsicle, homemade ice cream, or for tonight, an ice cream sandwich.

18 Months!

Our sweet girl is 18 months! She is mostly sweet anyway ... she is also quite a handful. Fortunately I am reassured by the fact that her sister also was at this age and she has grown into a respectful, kind, gentle girl. We get the terrible twos early in our house. Reid is very verbal and very physical. Her words and songs keep coming every day. We just left for two weeks and our "manny" was shocked at how much more she was talking just after that short period. She is stringing sentences together regularly. She loves to eat and will eat just about anything you put in front of her. She is a tiny peanut girl despite her love of food, we haven't had her 18 month appointment yet but I'm not expecting that she's much over 20 pounds. She loves to play dress-up, to swim, to kick and throw a ball and she absolutely loves music. She's a great dancer.

Harper's First Race!

Harper and Luca ran in a 1/2 mile fun run before the 5K that Amy, Nick and I ran in last night. They both did so well, pacing about a 12 minute mile, which I was very impressed with for a 3 & 4 year old. We were so proud of them and they were so proud of themselves. Harper got a ribbon and we are saving her race bib as a souvenir. Hopefully the first of many to come. Before the race started, she was shouting and whining *which was driving me a little crazy* "I want to win!" She was relentlessly competitive despite us trying to explain to her that winning wasn't the most important part. During the adult's 5K, I could hear her screaming about wanting me to win from the confines of the jog stroller. It was funny, she didn't seem to notice the 200 people who finished before me, she was insistent that I won! Guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, Andy!

In love with Anna's cats

We have been in Connecticut for the past week and the girls are having a blast with their grandparents and cousins. Reid is particularly fond of Anna's three cats and they are tolerating her very well.

The Fourth!

We celebrated the Fourth of July with a friend of mine from college (actually my freshman year roommate at BC!) who lives about 20 minutes from us with her husband and three kids. We have never taken the girls to a fireworks display before but the Oak Park festivities were walking distance from the house so we went for it.. They loved it! I was expecting one of them to be afraid or panic about it, but both of them laughed with delight. Who knew? We didn't get them to bed until 1030, but it was worth it! Reid even slept in until 830 the next morning, which is an all-time record for the Pillari house!