Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Harper's first day of preschool!
Today was Harper's first 'official' day of preschool. Although she has been in a classroom setting before, this is really the beginning of true preschool. Thankfully we have two full years of it before kindergarten! Which actually sounds like a lot of time considering how mature she is. She couldn't fit her last 'R' after the E, so she squeezed it into the middle, which I think is pretty cute. It will be fun to take a similar picture every year and have her write her name out too.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Daddy's Triathlon
Andy ran the Chicago Triathlon today, one of the biggest in the country! It is officially his third triathlon, he did two others over the recent months in preparation for this one. The girls and I found him after he finished to cheer him on. (with a 645am start, we just couldn't make it down to watch the entire event.) He finished 197 out of 2303 participants! He amazes us all.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Harper's new shoes
Harper and I made a deal a few months ago: if she would try five new, healthy foods (significantly, not just a bite.), she could pick out a new pair of shoes. She has had her eyes on the sparkly Toms ever since she first saw them. She tried her fifth new food today (oatmeal) and we headed up to Nordstrom to get the shoes this afternoon. Reid ended up with a pair also, but no bribery is needed for her with food, she'll eat just about anything you give her.
Dancing as the train goes by.
We live right near the train line and Reid has been doing this thing where she puts one finger up the air and says, "Ding, ding!" as it goes by since she was about 14 months old. Harper has to chime in too, of course.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Follow Up
Based on some emails, texts and phone calls of gotten regarding my post for a few weeks ago (THANK YOU, by the way, I truly appreciate the concern!), I feel like I need to clarify. I'm going to be fine. I know that I'm going to be fine. I'm not really fine right now but it's coming.
In explanation of what's been going on, I think I need to state a few facts. Moving is tough. I think that it is regularly thought of by "experts" as being one of life's most stressful events. Parenting two young children is also tough, as anyone who has done so can attest. Heck, parenting one child was tough and parenting a dog was actually kind of stressful before that. Taking care of someone else who you love more deeply than anything else in the world is a lot of work, especially when those someones aren't very independent. Doing both at the same time and then getting to do it again, twice, in an 8 month period, is a nightmare that I wouldn't wish on someone I despise.
When we made the decision to move one year ago, we thought our life would change in positive ways. We had had a very stressful year leading up to the decision (bed rest at the end of Reid's pregnancy, some challenges post-partum, Andy's situation with work) and the hope that was once we moved, life would improve, the stress would diminish and we would be embraced by an insta-community once we arrived at our destination. Well, that didn't happen at all. While that wasn't happening, it occurred to us that life in Colorado hadn't been so bad at all and perhaps we never should have left. But the truth is, we were looking to leave, we'd been looking to leave and be closer to family so that our children could grow up with a strong family presence since Harper was a few months old. I don't think there was much that would have dissuaded us from our desire to improve life for our girls and give them this opportunity so we clearly didn't take the time to look at the bigger picture or potential complications. Live and learn and we learned some hard lessons indeed.
Honestly, it all would have been manageable, it would have still totally sucked but it would have been manageable ... but then I started having panic attacks. At first one but then more. I'd think they were gone and then they'd come back. More complications ensued. I won't relive them all, or indulge or empower them by going through all of the struggles in detail; but one that I am now willing to share is that we miscarried our potential third child in January. We don't plan to have a third child but that doesn't make losing one any better. It was another stomach-dropping hill on the emotional rollercoaster. Further challenges were added to my cup, which was already past the flooding point. All the while, due to our transition period, I had not had the opportunity to create any kind of safety net of local friends, which is basically essential to any almost stay at home moms sanity. Particularly for me, as I am aware that I require social interaction. Not simply of the virtual/fb variety, the real, human contact variety as well. Being a mom is isolating and despite the fact that I work a bit, I work from home, so that doesn't do much to relieve the isolation either. It is also hard to make friends in transition/limbo mode in the middle of winter.
I think that all of this would have been less difficult for me to deal with and I think I would have been able to move on from all of the nonsense of the period immediately following our move if it hadn't been for these panic attacks. Oh, if I only could have gotten a stomachache instead ... I have Chinese herbs for that. Suffering from panic attacks is a completely different issue. They are really hard to mix with caring for children. I look back and can start with the negative self-talk, the destructive inner dialogue, and remind myself that there are people in this world with "real" problems and whoop-dee-doo, I didn't have any friends for a while and made a few bad decisions that we were easily able to 'un-make' so what I am really complaining about? I haven't really answered that question yet. Mental health issues are not taken as seriously as physical health issues but I am now certain that they are just as serious and debilitating.
But I'm moving on. I've begun a study into the practice of meditation and Zen Buddhism. I'm completely committed. I'm not converting to Buddhism, that's not the point, but meditation and the principles of Zen Buddhism seem to be very effective at helping one go through challenging times. Meditation is a skill and a practice that can actually expand the mind to allow stressful situations to be dealt with on a different level. In the words of the Roshi I've been working with, it can "expand your banks, so that when you hit rough water, it can diffuse more readily." The idea behind Zen Buddhism is that everyone suffers and that should be accepted and in a way, embraced. It should be observed and moved on from, not given power. Roshi talks a lot about the meaningless chatter and conversations we have with ourselves about the "should haves, could haves, would haves" and the hope is that with the practice of Zen Buddhism, I can cultivate the ability to end the conversation and the pointless chatter about what went wrong over the last year. I'm ending the conversation and spiraling into the ineffective hole of blame, which seems to be the source of the attacks. I have no doubt that I will get better and I have some of the most amazing reasons in the world to stick to my practice and become enlightened again to the beauty of the world.
Thanks for listening.
In explanation of what's been going on, I think I need to state a few facts. Moving is tough. I think that it is regularly thought of by "experts" as being one of life's most stressful events. Parenting two young children is also tough, as anyone who has done so can attest. Heck, parenting one child was tough and parenting a dog was actually kind of stressful before that. Taking care of someone else who you love more deeply than anything else in the world is a lot of work, especially when those someones aren't very independent. Doing both at the same time and then getting to do it again, twice, in an 8 month period, is a nightmare that I wouldn't wish on someone I despise.
When we made the decision to move one year ago, we thought our life would change in positive ways. We had had a very stressful year leading up to the decision (bed rest at the end of Reid's pregnancy, some challenges post-partum, Andy's situation with work) and the hope that was once we moved, life would improve, the stress would diminish and we would be embraced by an insta-community once we arrived at our destination. Well, that didn't happen at all. While that wasn't happening, it occurred to us that life in Colorado hadn't been so bad at all and perhaps we never should have left. But the truth is, we were looking to leave, we'd been looking to leave and be closer to family so that our children could grow up with a strong family presence since Harper was a few months old. I don't think there was much that would have dissuaded us from our desire to improve life for our girls and give them this opportunity so we clearly didn't take the time to look at the bigger picture or potential complications. Live and learn and we learned some hard lessons indeed.
Honestly, it all would have been manageable, it would have still totally sucked but it would have been manageable ... but then I started having panic attacks. At first one but then more. I'd think they were gone and then they'd come back. More complications ensued. I won't relive them all, or indulge or empower them by going through all of the struggles in detail; but one that I am now willing to share is that we miscarried our potential third child in January. We don't plan to have a third child but that doesn't make losing one any better. It was another stomach-dropping hill on the emotional rollercoaster. Further challenges were added to my cup, which was already past the flooding point. All the while, due to our transition period, I had not had the opportunity to create any kind of safety net of local friends, which is basically essential to any almost stay at home moms sanity. Particularly for me, as I am aware that I require social interaction. Not simply of the virtual/fb variety, the real, human contact variety as well. Being a mom is isolating and despite the fact that I work a bit, I work from home, so that doesn't do much to relieve the isolation either. It is also hard to make friends in transition/limbo mode in the middle of winter.
I think that all of this would have been less difficult for me to deal with and I think I would have been able to move on from all of the nonsense of the period immediately following our move if it hadn't been for these panic attacks. Oh, if I only could have gotten a stomachache instead ... I have Chinese herbs for that. Suffering from panic attacks is a completely different issue. They are really hard to mix with caring for children. I look back and can start with the negative self-talk, the destructive inner dialogue, and remind myself that there are people in this world with "real" problems and whoop-dee-doo, I didn't have any friends for a while and made a few bad decisions that we were easily able to 'un-make' so what I am really complaining about? I haven't really answered that question yet. Mental health issues are not taken as seriously as physical health issues but I am now certain that they are just as serious and debilitating.
But I'm moving on. I've begun a study into the practice of meditation and Zen Buddhism. I'm completely committed. I'm not converting to Buddhism, that's not the point, but meditation and the principles of Zen Buddhism seem to be very effective at helping one go through challenging times. Meditation is a skill and a practice that can actually expand the mind to allow stressful situations to be dealt with on a different level. In the words of the Roshi I've been working with, it can "expand your banks, so that when you hit rough water, it can diffuse more readily." The idea behind Zen Buddhism is that everyone suffers and that should be accepted and in a way, embraced. It should be observed and moved on from, not given power. Roshi talks a lot about the meaningless chatter and conversations we have with ourselves about the "should haves, could haves, would haves" and the hope is that with the practice of Zen Buddhism, I can cultivate the ability to end the conversation and the pointless chatter about what went wrong over the last year. I'm ending the conversation and spiraling into the ineffective hole of blame, which seems to be the source of the attacks. I have no doubt that I will get better and I have some of the most amazing reasons in the world to stick to my practice and become enlightened again to the beauty of the world.
Thanks for listening.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
Admiring her ladybug hand
We went to a vegetarian food festival nearby. Harper had her face painted and of course, monkey-see, monkey-do, Reid had to have something painted also. She opted for her hand and kept admiring her ladybug.
Obsessed!
Harper and Reid love the video of the Jimmy Fallon/The Roots/Carly Rae Jepsen version of "Call Me Maybe." We have been watching it over and over again. They like to pull out all of their instruments and dance around the room. Harper loves to imitate the the man playing the bongos, she balances her bongos on her shoulder and waits until he starts playing and then joins in. I love watching them jam out.
Getting ready to canoe!
At Mirror Lake State Park in Wisconsin. Harper loved it. When Reid demanded to "nika-bo" in the canoe, we knew it was time for Mommy and Reid to get off.
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